Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
