the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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