So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
