Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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