I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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