So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
