Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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