marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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