there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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