I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
