Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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