yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
