dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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