Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
