Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
