I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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