it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
