When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
