no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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