You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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