Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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