Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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