Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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