I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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