Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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