Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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