Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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