What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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