Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it's great music for shaving your balls
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
