I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
