Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
