i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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