i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Damn victory sex feels great
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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