Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
