The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
