I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He passed out mid-signature
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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