how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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