Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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