I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
