I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
