like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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