i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
