420 ftw
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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