I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
