Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
