My hand turned me down
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
