dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
