You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
