Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
