Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
