if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
