i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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