hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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